Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Im part way to drunk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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