I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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