my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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