Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
