Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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