things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
