can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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