so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
