Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
