i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
