i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
