So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
