well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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