so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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