shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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