he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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