i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
