had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
