her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
