Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
50% drunk capacity currently
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
we should paint friendship bongs
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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