dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
