I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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