batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
