You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
