My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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