Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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