so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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