Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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