I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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