You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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