I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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