I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
