Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
