Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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