is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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