my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
