It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
