at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
