I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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