i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I need moral support for this bender
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
