____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
