im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
