Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
