Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize