hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my being single is dangerous.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
