i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
