do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want her autograph on my taint
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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