If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
