i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well I just put wine in my tea
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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