Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
