I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
