Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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