well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
