Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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