3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
