shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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