you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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