We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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