It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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