I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
