He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
