i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
