Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
