There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize