he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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